Utter Insanity
by Iris Omega
Summary: What happens when the G-gang are summoned to a house by mysterious authoresses? Rated PG just for caution.


A/N: Hello! This will be my first attempt at a humor story. Hmm.I hope it works! Well, since I'm in it, it should be humorous! Wait, did I just insult myself? Oh well. ^__^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Utter Insanity  
  
by  
  
Iris Omega  
  
All the G-boys and G-girls were gathered in a room at a rather normal looking house. If only they knew who lived there.  
  
Duo: Are you sure this is the right place?  
  
Dorothy: ::in her most sarcastic voice:: No. That's only the reason why we all came to the same place.  
  
Duo: ::whimpers:: I was only asking!  
  
Relena: I know this is the right place, but where is the person who invited us?  
  
Dorothy: ::shrugs:: I don't know. Duo thinks it was the Aliens of Bowling or something.  
  
Everyone except and Dorothy: ::looks quizzically at Duo::  
  
Duo: The Aliens of Buloring, not Bowling!  
  
Everyone: ::rolls eyes::  
  
Quatre: Relena's question is valid. Where is the person, or persons, and who are they?  
  
As if Quatre's question was a signal a puff of smoke explodes in the middle of the room. Everyone recoils in fear. Relena hides behind Heero who already has his gun out. Dorothy gleefully pulls a sword out of nowhere. Choking and coughing noises come from the smoke. As the cloud cleared, the G-gang could see two young girls sitting in front of computers waving away the smoke and coughing.  
  
Duo: ::whispers:: Who are they? Quatre: ::whispers back:: I don't know.  
  
One of the girls with shoulder length blonde hair: ::cough:: We're the authoresses!  
  
Everyone: ::recoils in fear::  
  
Duo: AAAAHHHH!!!!!! They're worse than the Aliens of Bowling!  
  
Dorothy: Buloring.  
  
Duo: Whatever.  
  
The other girl: That's right! We're the authoresses!  
  
Girl #1: Yep! I'm Iris Omega!  
  
Girl #2: And I'm Jaid Skywalker.  
  
Heero and Dorothy's eyes widen with fear.  
  
Heero: I've heard of the authoresses Iris and Jaid before.  
  
Dorothy: Me too.  
  
Relena: ::still hiding behind Heero:: Are they bad?  
  
Heero: Well, they've gotten us in a few predicaments.  
  
Jaid: You have no idea.  
  
Iris: ::giggle:: I know! Just wait 'till they find out what we've got planned.  
  
Jaid: Um. ::cough:: Iris? I don't think they were supposed to know.  
  
Iris: Oh yeah, huh?  
  
Jaid: Yeah.  
  
Hilde: Um, haven't we gotten a little off the subject?  
  
Iris and Jaid: ::blush:: I guess.  
  
Dorothy: So why are you here?  
  
Iris: Yeah, why are we here?  
  
Jaid: We were bored, remember?  
  
Duo: Well, I hate to burst you lovely ladies' bubbles, but, um, we happen to be bored too.  
  
Hilde: Yeah! We're bored! Really!  
  
Iris: Hee hee. You're not getting out that easily.  
  
Duo: Shoot it all.  
  
Heero shoots at Iris, but the bullet stops in the middle of the room and suddenly changes into a gigantic T-rex, which gobbles up Heero and then stomps away. Everyone stares in horror.  
  
Iris: Ah! The power of the authoresses!  
  
Jaid: Yep! 'Tis sweet!  
  
Relena: ::sobs:: You killed Heero! You horrid, horrid creatures!  
  
Jaid snaps her fingers and Heero mysteriously appears in the middle of the room.  
  
Jaid: See? The story can go however we want it to!  
  
Iris: Yes, 'cause we're the authoresses! We've got the power! ::does a little dance::  
  
Duo: ::horrified look:: Wow.  
  
Iris: Yup, so you better be nice, or we'll be mean!  
  
Jaid: ::nods::  
  
Dorothy: You can't control me, you evil people!  
  
Dorothy lunges at Jaid, who puts her hand out and stops Dorothy in mid- air. She then proceeds to spin Dorothy around and throw her out of the house. A gigantic boom is heard outside.  
  
Quatre: Y-you killed Dorothy. How could you? ::starts sobbing::  
  
Iris: Aw, come on! Do you really think we'll keep her dead?  
  
Jaid: ::whispers:: Of course! She's competition.  
  
Iris: ::whispers back:: I know, but I like her.  
  
Jaid: ::reluctant:: Okay. ::snaps fingers and Dorothy reappears::  
  
Quatre: ::runs over and hugs Dorothy:: Oh! Are you alright?  
  
Dorothy: Yes, Quatre, I'm fine. No thanks to them. ::death glares Iris and Jaid::  
  
Quatre: Well, actually, Iris was nice, she's the one who convinced Jaid that bringing you back would be good.  
  
Iris smiles sweetly while Jaid glares at everyone in the room.  
  
Dorothy: Well, I suppose you're right.  
  
Heero: ::grunts:: She didn't do anything to help me.  
  
Iris: ::narrows her eyes and glares at Heero:: Maybe that's because I don't like you, Yuy.  
  
Relena: ::wide eyed:: You don't like Heero?  
  
Iris: Nope.  
  
Relena: Why not?  
  
Iris: Because he's stupid.  
  
Relena: He is not!  
  
Iris: He is to.  
  
Relena: HE IS NOT!!!  
  
Iris: ::snaps fingers and Relena gets sucked up by a giant vacuum cleaner:: There we go!  
  
Heero: Bring her back.  
  
Iris: Or what?  
  
Heero: Or.I'll do something.  
  
Iris: ::smirk:: That's what I thought. But since we want all of you to be here. ::snaps fingers and the giant vacuum cleaner switches to reverse and spits Relena out:: There you go.  
  
Jaid: Shouldn't we get on with it?  
  
Iris: Yup.  
  
Jaid: Okay. It's time to play.  
  
Iris: Duh duh duh duh!  
  
Jaid: UTTER INSANITY!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: ::sweatdrop::  
  
Duo: Uh, what's utter insanity?  
  
Iris: It's kinda a mix of truth or dare, spin the bottle, and trivia.  
  
Dorothy: ::shocked and disgusted:: Do you mean we have to kiss the person that the bottle points to?!?  
  
Iris: Eeww! Of course not! We told you it's a mix of that. Gross!  
  
Jaid: Okay, this is how you play; split up with boys on one side and girls on the other. Hilde, go get a bottle.  
  
Hilde: ::nods::  
  
Jaid: Iris, trivia questions.  
  
Iris: Gotcha! ::grabs trivia cards out of nowhere::  
  
Jaid: ::grabs bottle from Hilde:: Okay. I think we're ready.  
  
Trowa: Hold on. The girl's team has one more person than we do.  
  
Jaid: Then one of us will be the spinner.  
  
Une: I will.  
  
Iris: Whoa. Where did she come from? She wasn't there a second ago, was she?  
  
Jaid: I don't think so.  
  
Une: ::grins:: Let's just say it's a gift.  
  
Iris: Okay.  
  
Jaid: Okay boys, form a circle. Une, spin the bottle and whoever it points to stand up.  
  
The bottle spun around and around. Finally it stopped. It was pointing at Zechs!  
  
Jaid: Okay. Now the same thing with the girls.  
  
The bottle pointed at Iris.  
  
Jaid: Alright. Now Zechs, pick a trivia question to ask Iris, Iris pick a trivia question to ask Zechs. Okay Zechs, ask your question.  
  
Zechs: Okay. Iris, what does A.C. stand for?  
  
Iris: After colony.  
  
Jaid: Okay, now Iris, ask your question.  
  
Iris: ::clears throat:: In a famous quote, Abraham Lincoln said: "Four score and how many years ago did our forefathers bring forth this great nation?"  
  
Zechs: Uh. I have no idea.  
  
Jaid: Okay now Iris, he couldn't answer the question so now you have to give him a dare.  
  
Iris: Yay! Okay, let's see. I know! Zechs, you have to endure being called Bird Man for one full minute.  
  
Zechs: No!  
  
Everyone except Zechs: Yes!  
  
Jaid: It was your dare.  
  
Zechs: Okay.  
  
Everyone: Bird Man! Bird Man! ::for one whole minute::  
  
Jaid: Okay, now that you guys have got the hang of it, you should know how to play.  
  
Everyone: ::nods::  
  
Jaid: Okay good. Start spinning Une!  
  
Wufei and Hilde get picked.  
  
Wufei: Hilde, name all five Gundams and their pilots in the way in which they are called along with their numbers.  
  
Hilde: Um, okay. Let's see. Wing Zero piloted by number 01 Heero Yuy; Deathsythe piloted by number 02 Duo Maxwell; Heavyarms piloted by number 03 Trowa Barton; Sandrock piloted by number 04 Quatre Raberba Winner; and Nataku, or Shenlong, piloted by number 05 Chang Wufei. Did I get it right?  
  
Wufei: Um. ::sweatdrop:: Yes.  
  
Hilde: Yes!!!!! Alright!!! Okay Wufei, your turn! What is Duo's nickname?  
  
Wufei: How should I know?  
  
Hilde: Do you know or not?  
  
Wufei: Let me think! Um, oh yes, Shinigami. Hilde: Darn it, What do we do now?  
  
Jaid: You both have to do a dare.  
  
Hilde: Man!  
  
Wufei: Onna!  
  
Hilde: ::glares at Wufei:: I wasn't saying man to you, I was expressing my disappointment.  
  
Wufei: So was I.  
  
Hilde: Ugh! You're impossible.  
  
Wufei: I know. Alright Hilde, your dare is to try and beat me in a fair karate fight.  
  
Hilde: Huh? I can't karate fight!  
  
Wufei: ::shrugs:: Your loss. ::lunges at poor Hilde and knocks her to the ground::  
  
Hilde: Why you. ::attacks Wufei with all her strength but he just knocks her out of the way::  
  
Wufei: Alright onna, I guess I won't cause you any more humiliation. Give me the best dare you've got.  
  
Hilde: ::evil grin:: Okay Wufei, you asked for it. Go use all your speed and agility to paint Nataku hot pink!  
  
Wufei: There is no way I am going to do that.  
  
All the girls: Yes there is.  
  
Wufei: ::turns away grumbling about injustice and onnas::  
  
All the girls: ::collapse into giggling fits::  
  
Hilde: I guess I showed him!  
  
Sally: Yes you did! You go girl! Wufei comes back looking very angry. The girls start giggling again.  
  
Wufei: ::furious:: That's it onnas! You're going down.  
  
Dorothy: Yeah right. I'd like to see you guys beat us.  
  
Lucrezia: Yeah. We've got the authoresses.  
  
Iris and Jaid: The power of the authoresses!  
  
Une: Let's pick the next people before my personalities die.  
  
Everyone: Okay.  
  
Dorothy and Quatre are picked.  
  
Dorothy: Okay Quatre, what is the name of Zechs' favorite Mobile Suit?  
  
Quatre: Tallgeese. Dorothy, how many sisters do I have?  
  
Dorothy: Twenty-nine.  
  
Quatre: Nope.  
  
Dorothy: What?  
  
Quatre: I only have twenty-eight.  
  
Dorothy: Oh yeah. Darn it.  
  
Quatre: Dorothy, your dare is to eat a raw onion.  
  
Dorothy: ::shrugs:: Sure. ::eats an onion:: Okay, I'm done.  
  
Iris: ::horrified:: GROSS!!!!!!  
  
Jaid: Iris happens to hate onions with a passion.  
  
Iris: ::gag::  
  
Dorothy: They're not that bad.  
  
Une: Okay, next. Trieze and Relena are picked.  
  
Trieze: Alright Relena, what is Zechs real name?  
  
Relena: ::grin:: Milliardo Peacecraft!  
  
Duo: Hey that's not fair! They get all the easy ones!  
  
Trieze: Duo, it is the card I picked. It is fair enough.  
  
Relena: Yeah Duo! Trieze, what nationality of people invented Gundam Wing? Huh? What's Gundam Wing?  
  
Iris and Jaid: ::snicker::  
  
Trieze: I believe her question is valid, what is Gundam Wing?  
  
Quatre: Well, Gundam are the things we fly, and Heero's is called WING Zero, but what does it mean invented?  
  
Duo: It doesn't make any sense.  
  
Hilde: Nope.  
  
Relena: What do they mean?  
  
Trowa: They could mean who invented the Gundams.  
  
Lucrezia: But then what would the Wing have to do with it?  
  
Trowa: Good point.  
  
The G-gang gets into a heated argument.  
  
Iris: I think we should leave Jaid.  
  
Jaid: Yeah. Let's go.  
  
The End  
  
Okay, I know that was really stupid, but I wrote it anyway. R&R! 


End file.
